So we’re all having truckloads of fun with the Orange Box, but with all the charm and the heartbreak of Episode Two, it looks like Portal is missing out on all the attention. And believe me, this is one game that literally takes the cake, pun very much intended. (In case you don’t get that awesome joke, then you need to get a life and find a way to play Portal.. NOW!)

We’ll have a multi-staff review on the Orange Box games soon enough (we’re still enjoying the games in Commentary mode), but in the meantime, I just had to drop in here to talk about how Valve has managed to create the most lovable, cuter-than-cute AI entity in the form of GLaDOS, the Portal AI that’s a cross between Cortana, 343 Guilty Spark, HAL-9000 and Aileen Wuornos on crack. Tempting you throughout the game with promises of a rich, moist, delicious cake before trying to finally bake you into one, GLaDOS, voiced by singer/actress Ellen McLain, finally gets torn to pieces by the player as she tries to escape the Aperture Science facility. The rub here is that GLaDOS, apparently, isn’t dead, considering her final report, which is delivered in the form of the best damned ending credits song I’ve ever heard in all my years of gaming.

I’d seriously recommend that you do not listen to this song if you haven’t finished Portal yet, simply because you’d ruin its intended effect. For the rest of us, and for the ones who are dead, enjoy your download of this awesome little ditty and sing along with the lyrics, which you can download, print, frame and gaze at for eternity after the jump.

And oh, don’t believe the heretic. Remember: There is a cake!

Download Portal - Ellen McLain - Still Alive (MP3/5.39 MB)

Forms FORM-29827281-12:
Test Assessment Report

This was a triumph.
I’m making a note here:
HUGE SUCCESS.
It’s hard to overstate
my satisfaction.
Aperture Science.
We do what we must
because we can.
For the good of all of us.
Except the ones who are dead.

But there’s no sense crying
over every mistake.
You just keep on trying
till you run out of cake.
And the Science gets done.
And you make a neat gun
for the people who are
still alive.

Forms FORM-55551-5:
Personnel File Addendum: Dear Subject Name Here

I’m not even angry.
I’m being so sincere right now.
Even though you broke my heart.
And killed me.
And tore me to pieces.
And threw every piece into a fire.
As they burned it hurt because
I was so happy for you!

Now these points of data
make a beautiful line.
And we’re out of beta.
We’re releasing on time.
So I’m GLaD. I got burned.
Think of all the things we learned
for the people who are
still alive.

Forms FORM-55551-6:
Personnel File Addendum Addendum: One last thing:

Go ahead and leave me.
I think I prefer to stay inside.
Maybe you’ll find someone else
to help you.
Maybe Black Mesa….
THAT WAS A JOKE… HA-HA.. FAT CHANCE.
Anyway, this cake is great.
It’s so delicious and moist.

Look at me still talking
when there’s Science to do.
When I look out there,
it makes me GLaD I’m not you.
I’ve experiments to run.
There is research to be done.
On the people who are
still alive.

PS: And believe me I am
still alive.
PPS: I’m doing Science and I’m
still alive.
PPPS: I feel FANTASTIC and I’m
still alive.

FINAL THOUGHT:
While you’re dying I’ll be
still alive.

FINAL THOUGHT PS:
And when you’re dead I will be
still alive.

STILL ALIVE!
Still alive….

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• the ANGRY pixel » Use the Portal Gun in Various Source Games Says:
  October 19th, 2007 at 5:59 am

  [...] been out on Portal for some good time now, and we’re all pretty much convinced that the cake was the truth all along. Not to mention it was spankin’ tasty to boot! But after living the experience and sharing [...]

• the ANGRY pixel » SingStar Bollywood Blasts Into Europe Says:
  October 19th, 2007 at 2:41 pm

  [...] As for me, I’m off to get ear plugs and NO, I really don’t care-oke. I just prefer singing the Portal song, over and over and [...]

• the ANGRY pixel » Portal Song To End Up on Steam? Says:
  October 19th, 2007 at 3:10 pm

  [...] completely head over heels in love with Portal, GLaDOS, Jonathan Coulton and Ellen McLain after that great “Still Alive” ditty. And, obviously, I’m not the only one. Jonathan Coulton, the genius behind the best damn end [...]