Forget the fact that game censorship in India is as necessary as dialogues in a porno flick, this latest development is wrong in so many ways that it makes FX Labs’ Agni seem playable.

Every gamer’s mortal enemy, Jack Thompson will be heading the Indian Censorship Board from next week. Not content with having been sanctioned in his own state, he’s decided to spread his game hating propaganda across India. We managed to catch up with the veteran attorney in Mumbai and heard what he had to say about this stunning development.

“I look forward to serving on the Indian Censorship Board for Video Games. They were looking for someone who’s an expert in the field of computer entertainment and I decided to volunteer my services.”, said Mr. Thompson.

While a majority of the Indian gaming population gets their fix via piracy (for which censorship has no control over) the number of gamers actually investing money into original games has increased at a frantic pace in the last few years. It will be these genuine titles that would be subjected to censorship.

“My first order of business will be to ban Grand Theft Auto 4. That game is a heresy on mankind and I will make sure not a single copy of this crime and prostitute simulator is sold on the streets of this wonderful nation,” continued the Florida lawyer who just recently advocated the sexual assault of children to a prominent game journalist.

The thought of GTA4 being banned is definitely a sign of the dark ages upon gamers in India. Something, which the veteran attorney stated, would have been China’s privilege.

“Yes, it’s true – the Chinese government did contact me first for a similar position. However I declined as the levels of piracy there are too high to make a difference and the fact that my decisions would be subjected to approval by other government officials. In order to truly make a difference, I require absolute power. Something the Indian Censorship Board was more than willing to give me.”, revealed the grey-haired justice specialist.

Is it a case of outsourcing in reverse or just a simple case of a lazy censor board? Or is it something more sinister? A source at the censor board who refuses to be named stated that members have been either bribed or threatened with lawsuits by Jack Thompson if they refused to give him total control of the board.

“I will definitely make a change for the better. With one in every five people in the world being Indian, it won’t be long before I rid the world of this trash they call video games,” said the American Idiot as he signed off with an evil laugh that would have put most villains (and George W. Bush) to shame.

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By N2H

• Jack Thompson, Attorney Says:
  April 1st, 2008 at 5:46 pm

  This is an April Fool’s Day joke, kind of like the assertion that the person who wrote it is not a moron.

  Jack Thompson, Attorney and You’r e Not

• Rishi Says:
  April 1st, 2008 at 7:37 pm

  Wow a response.

  Now, Jack (if that’s even your real name, this being the internet and all, we can’t be too sure can we?) don’t you have some games to censor ?

• Anand Ramachandran Says:
  April 1st, 2008 at 7:39 pm

  Phew.

  You guys HAD me for a moment there.

  @#$@#%!!s. Nice one.