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I played Ninja Gaiden a few years back (not the NES version). I still play it. A lot!

It’s quite simple to understand why someone could be addicted to a game like that. Great graphics, excellent sound, stylistic action and ninja combat, fluid controls and an extremely deep combat system all scream at you to keep playing. Add to that various mutators, such as the Master Ninja Tournaments and you’ve got your killer-app. Ninja Gaiden for the Xbox had it all. At the risk of losing gamer-credibility, I’d go as far as saying that Halo was the overrated game on the Xbox - Ninja Gaiden truly showed the world what the box was capable of and how a game should be made. Ninja Gaiden Black came along and added new enemies, a few twists and the legendary Master Ninja tournaments.

But then news came along that Ninja Gaiden was being developed for the Nintendo DS and I went “Oh fuck! Here goes the coolest looking game back to shitty graphics and kiddy gameplay”.

Oh how wrong I was.

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This really is good news or bad news, depending on which way you choose to look at it. It’s a pragmatic statement, so I’m not going into why I think so, because frankly, no one gives a flying hoot about what I think.

But BioWare have announced today that Mass Effect will grace all modern PC’s in May 2008. The EA slaves announced that the award-winning space epic Mass Effect™ published by EA and will sport some redesigning for the PC.
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Now that I have your attention…

I’d like to make it absolutely clear that I do not hate Guitar Hero 3. Nor GH1 or GH2. In fact, Guitar Hero is probably one of the best games out there that money can buy. Enjoy the game alone or get together with a bunch of friends. Drunk ones are better. But the game is quite literally for everyone - at any time, at any age.

But what’s got me pissed off, is that while Guitar Hero 3 for the PC is a good game you can invest your hard earned cash into, it’s also something that pretty much asks you to reinvent the wheel and buy a new guitar controller! Now while this may sound retarded (how are you supposed to play the game without a guitar!!? I hear ya), it’s just a tad insensitive towards the good folks who have Guitar Hero 1/2 and their controllers. Why on earth would I want to buy 2 guitar controllers for 2 different systems!? Sure, the 360 is a different story, but for the poor saps who want to enjoy the game on the PC - there is no hope. You MUST buy the controller.

Now here’s my problem - I’m not a cheap bastard. Well, OK, so I am. But the game ought to respect the fact that if I’m plugging in my PS2 GH controller via a USB connector, it better recognize it! But no! So if you can’t afford a second controller, you play with the effin’ keyboard!

The question really is - why couldn’t Neversoft or Aspyr build in support for a GH PS2 controller via USB? It’s no big deal - I mean Frets on Fire can do it, right? So the only other way you can get around this is by installing a program such as Pinnacle Game Profiler or something similar. Go through the pain of mapping each key to the buttons. Get humiliated because of the obvious lag for the game to pick up the controls and the ultimate realization that there is no whammy bar support! It sucks.

I wish game companies learnt a lesson or two from the Indie scene. Low budgets give us great games or at least a flawless gameplay experience. Sadly, with all it’s good looks, (crap songs), mega endorsements and hi-res models, Guitar Hero 3 for the PC has left me with a bitter aftertaste. I don’t want to buy it for a console because I have GH1 & GH2. I don’t want to buy a new controller because I have one. One that can work, if supported.

I want to uninstall the game and ask for a refund. Goddamn. Frets on Fire is better.

Okay, seriously. The one single word that came to mind when I saw this track listing was “w00t”! This has easily got to be one of the best track listings for a game and any game that features a song by Killswitch Engage absolutely must deserve props.

The EA website has confirmed today that some of the tracks included on the new Burnout game include “My Curse” by Killswitch Engage, GNR’s “Paradise City” (how convenient!), Seether’s “Fake It” and Jane’s Addition’s “Stop!” as some of the tracks that will be featured in the game.

FINALLY!!

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Hot off the press! Condemned 2 looks absolutely amazing and so far, this looks like it’ll make Clive Barker’s Jericho look like another episode of Pokemon!

After seeing these screenshots, we know we just cannot wait to see this game. Once you see them, you’ll know why! Note to Parag: Please don’t shave the bishop when you see these, mkay?

So the BBFC (British Board of Film Classification) banned Manhunt 2 in the UK. No, they banned it twice! But that won’t stop our friends at Rockstar who’ve clearly established that there’s 3 levels of everything, from executions to game releases!

Manhunt 2 has been in the British news for some time now because of the BBFC’s decision to not rate the game, therefore translating to the fact that it can not be sold off the shelves in merry ol’ England. However, Rockstar have challenged the ban at the Video Appeals Committee and the VAC has spoken in their favor.

Rockstar, are understandably pleased at the decision and are happy that the game is recognized as one that falls into an established 18+ rating system.

Now as I understand it, if the BBFC does not do anything, the game is defaulted to a 18+ rating system and goes on sale, thereby bringing smiles on the faces of millions of sadistic-gore-loving-Brits.

So there you have it. Britons do not like violent games and will not tolerate them. Of course, there’s always the ultra-violent football hooligans to ban as well, but hey - no one learns violence from real life! Artistic simulations do just fine, thank you!

Interesting piece of information I stumbled across today. An article on the BBC’s website reports that according to a recent study (read experiment); a few chimps were pitted up against students from the Kyoto University in Japan to test memory tasks. The tests involved remembering random numbers on the screen and then recalling which boxes these numbers were in.

Guess what - the humans lost! Yeah - THE HUMANS LOST!

Interesting because if you start to think about it, here are just some of the 9 major things that could go horribly wrong with life as we know it:

• Counter Strike will no longer be played by 14 year old delinquents.
• You’ll probably get pwn3d in every online deathmatch by a Chimp.
• Donkey Kong now gets to run around and bone princess Peach.
• Ape Escape and Ape Academy will cease to exist and the franchise will die - breaking the hearts of millions of little girls.
• Monkey Island would be called “Guybrush Threepwood’s Adventures”. Ugh!
• You will no longer be able to use terms like “spanking the monkey” or “freezing the balls of a brass monkey”.
• The Foo Fighters would lose a great song.
• Bananas would no longer be used as replacement dildo’s.
• theANGRYpixel staff would become the smartest primates on the planet and we would eventually rule the world.

Got any ideas of what else could go horribly wrong (or right)? Well, write a comment and buy favour with us now… don’t say we didn’t warn you!