I’m not a lucky man. Me and Lady Luck have never been on speaking terms ever since I discovered that the best prize I could grab for free is a couple of birth control pills. I’ve struck out everywhere there was something cool being given away, watching the materialistic object of my fantasies get whisked away by someone who couldn’t even figure out the packaging if it didn’t have a huge “THIS SIDE UP” printed on it. And what’s worse is the amount of time, money and I’ve wasted at arcade prize-grabbing games, you know, the one where you try to grab freebies with a crane or hit the button at the right time to stop something moving fast so you can get some goodies? It obviously doesn’t help your chances of getting some if you spend 200 bucks on one of these games and can’t even win the hopelessly patient girlfriend standing next to you a little plush toy.

Understandably, I’ve been ripping mad ever since a couple of guys started YouTubing about the kind of things they win from these frustratingly rigged contraptazoinks. And if that wasn’t enough, there are sites like Kotaku that give away custom laser-etched PS3s and tons of next-generation schwag to people who have to do little more than scour their community rants for answers to silly little questions. Jeez, and I had to PAY $778 to get my Xbox 360, whereas some gangly teen with a pocketful of change and virtually no life walks away with cool loot that will probably end up on eBay the very same night. Why doesn’t someone have mercy on poor souls like me and toss a couple of bones this old dog’s way? At this point, I just feel like Amy Wong at the Moon Amusement Park’s UFO Catcher machine - azhennihaodasene! Q@^%#$*

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By N2H

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