The Orange Box is already well on top of my list for Game of the Year. Sure, it’s not a game, but what the heck, Portal alone is worth any award heaped upon it, even if you don’t count the excellent Episode Two or the insanely fun Team Fortress 2. With Episode Two wrapping up with a gut-wrenching cliffhanger, fanatics such as yours truly are already salivating over playing Episode Three and Portal 2. That is, provided they are released some time before we die, considering Valve’s infamous release date hijinks.

Talking to Rock, Paper, Shotgun’s John Walker for an interview, Episode Two’s project lead David Speyrer has justified the lack of an Episode Three trailer saying that they are trying something “pretty ambitious” for the project, and didn’t want to overcommit.

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The episodic experiment began in mid-2006 with Half-Life 2: Episode One and SiN: Episodes - Emergence. Grand stories were told about how episodic gaming would mark a major shift in the way games are developed and delivered. All fine and dandy, but a year and a half since all the grand posing, where exactly do we stand?

WARNING (and Disclaimer): Personal opinions, long sentences and an abrupt ending to follow!

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The world seems to be a really weird place. And no, we don’t mean otakus and tentacle pr0n, but really bad reviews for Half-Life 2: Episode Two. Sure, we may not (and probably never will) have given it bad scores, but some people apparently think it doesn’t deserve all those lofty numbers attached to it.

In a review in the Mumbai Mirror newspaper earlier this week, infuriatingly titled “A Half-Lived Experience”, the game was granted a measly 2/5 stars, giving fans like ourselves a reason to direct a lot of hatemail their way. Sure, the guy’s got a point - the story does seem to be hopelessly LOST (get it?) and a lot of gameplay elements have been generously borrowed from its predecessors, but that’s like saying Twilight Princess sucks because not a lot has changed from Ocarina of Time. With confusing references to Combines and outright bewildering sentences like

This combo package of five games, being offered for Rs 999, is a steal. The distributors, Electronic Arts, aren’t planning on making the PC version available in India, and I simply can’t understand why.

when the 999 buck package IS the PC version don’t really help lend a lot of credibility to the review. Especially when the footnote specifically mentions the PC version’s pricing. We’ll also just assume that the chap has a great reason (which we’d love to hear) for recommending a Steam purchase, considering it costs twice as much as the retail version here.

Wonder what happens when this guy gets his grubby mittens on the hundred other AAA titles launching soon. In the meantime, stay tuned for our own, better (?) reviews of Team Fortress 2 and Portal, assuming I can manage to pull myself away from GLaDOS’ experiments for 20 minutes to write the damned thing.

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This picture has been sitting on my desktop for over a sodding week now, with me just waiting for our Episode Two review to go up, just so I could post this chilling awesome cosplay shot. I don’t really need to say anything beyond what you can already see for yourselves, and I am sure fans of our favorite mute theoretical physicist are just waiting, straining at the leash, to rip that poor guy to shreds with harsh criticisms. But Alyx! Sure, she doesn’t really look a lot like our favorite companion on our bleak trek  through the Half-Life universe, but as hardcore gamers who hardly have time to fondle our own girlfriends, we usually take whatever we get. Now if only someone gave that guy a crowbar. And a hard chin. And a thicker goatee. And more hair. And, oh, a life! Or they can avoid all this nastiness and just give me the HEV suit. And that girl.

Yes, yes, we know we’re a bit late, but we just couldn’t stop playing the accursed thing. Here then, is the first part of a series of reviews on the greatest gaming package 2007 has to offer, starting with Half-Life 2: Episode Two. Our second biggest Half-Life fan(atic) here, Dev, gets down and dirty with the flagship game in the Orange Box, as he takes a nice little drive through White Forest and saves the day all over again. Hit the jump for the official review and some absolutely droolable screenshots.

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Huh! That was… brutal. Talking to avant-garde gaming mag EDGE, Valve’s Gabe Newell had quite a lot to say about the PS3, and no, he wasn’t being kind to them by making his “unflattering comments” in Vortigese.

I think the PS3 is a waste of everybody’s time. Investing in the Cell, investing in the SPE gives you no long-term benefits. There’s nothing there that you’re going to apply to anything else. You’re not going to gain anything except a hatred of the architecture they’ve created. I don’t think they’re going to make money off their box. I don’t think it’s a good solution.

Strange thing is, this PS3 bashing isn’t new for Gabe, who’s made his displeasure known very well in the past when he called the PS3, in no uncertain terms, “a total disaster.” Valve, which developed The Orange Box for the PC and the Xbox 360, currently No. 1 on the videogame charts, had earlier decided to offload their PS3 porting work to EA instead.

Speaking about the upcoming PS3 version, Gabe added:

I think the people who have The Orange Box on the PS3 are going to be happy with their game experience. We’ve done the PC and 360 versions here and EA has a team doing the PS3 version – and they’ll make the PS3 version a good product; EA got the job done in putting a lot of people with PS3 experience on the project. But I think it’s harder to get it to the same standard as the 360 and PC versions.

Great! So not only are they being “vocal” about the PS3 and Sony, but they’re also doubting whether EA has what it takes to do as good a job on the PS3 as Valve did with the PC and the Xbox 360? Hmm… I guess speaking your mind is one of the major perks of owning your own, hugely successful content publishing platform. Excuse me while I slip into an 18-month hibernation as I wait for Episode Three.