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Damn! Get to a certain age and all you hear about from your parents are about you getting hitched. What’s worse is that everytime someone you know gets married, the pressure mounts on you to go and walk down the Green Mile with your happily-ever-after (bah!) partner. What makes the whole thing worse for a hardcore gamer is that destiny always plays an unfair hand by throwing you in with someone who has absolutely no respect for your gaming habits and would rather complain about how childish you are while she plonks her ass down on the couch to watch cooking shows and brain-deadening soap operas that would make any grown man try to kill himself in the first 5 minutes.
While most of us try to convince our girlfriends and future wives about how we love games just as much as they love shoe shopping, some of us stash our favorite games in secret nooks that she would never find. Heck, her finding the secret games stash would bring more raining death-fire on our heads than her finding our extensive porno stash and sex toy collection. And then there are the wusses, the ones who are completely willing to sell out, quite literally, by putting years and years of gaming history for sale on eBay for a ridiculously low amount of dough.
Take a look at this guy. He’s selling almost every game console and videogame that’s been released for the last 20 years on eBay just because he’s going to marry some girl! Jeez, man, you’d give away classics that you don’t have a whelk’s chance in a supernova of getting back just for a girl. Just take a look at his collection, he’s got systems like the Atari 2600, ColecoVision and the NeoGeo and practically every top rated game ever made in the history of gaming and he’s practically signing his soul over to the devil. Face it, dude, you’re gonna get a LOT more love from Shining Force than you’ll ever get from her. I hate to think what’s gonna happen to this guy if she decides to dump his ass some day and walk out on him. Did I mention he’s got the original box packaging for almost everything he owns? Yeah. this guy deserves to wear the ball and chain, and I most certainly don’t mean the proverbial one.
Wanna own gaming history?
Head on over to the gaming pariah’s eBay listing >>
Like what you see? OK, so that’s an obvious April Fools Day joke and I am about 10 days overdue! But still, there’s something absolutely magnetic about fake consoles. So, in true gamer fashion, 99lives came up with an article about the five best fake gaming consoles of all time! From the Sega Phoenix (or as I like to call it - the Phonix), an unholy marriage between a suitcase, an Xbox 360 on a bad day and a plastic lunch box to the PSPboy, a brilliant looking gaming device that I’d so totally buy if it was real, the article lists more weirdos like the Sega Hedgehog, the Apple iGame and the Nintendo ON. Shh, don’t tell 99lives we told you this, but we’ve also got the inside scoop on two new awesome handhelds - the Nintendo DS2 and the Sony PSP2. Like we said… SHHHH!
Pocket Mode… mmmm!
Wonder if the PSP2 will finally have a second analog stick? But what the heck, I’d still buy it anyway! More fake console goodness after the jump.
As a developer, hammering out code for a multimillion dollar behemoth isn’t really satisfying for a person’s ego, especially when it’s planet sized like mine. Everytime I see someone at a job that I want to do, like a globetrotter or a porn star, I usually work myself up into a complete state of frenzy about how I should be at that job, getting paid to have criminally insane amounts of fun. Another job to add to the list seems to be this - foley artist for Digital Extremes’ latest game, Dark Sector.
These guys get to have obscene amounts of fun generating sound effects for Dark Sector, simulating the sounds of snapping necks, extreme dismemberment and squelchy glaive kills by ripping apart celery stalks, smashing watermelons with hammers and fingerfucking zuchhinis to kingdom come! We’ll just let you go and watch these guys live our veggie/fruit sadomasochistic dreams while we try to find some voodoo dolls of these guys to crucify.