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As the popular myth goes, gamers really don’t have a love-life, a sex-life or a life of any kind to speak of. Gamers are just meant to guzzle on Game Fuel while they live out their Master Chief fantasies, all the while Googling up “Cortana-Master Chief sex” search strings. Valentine Days are meant to be celebrated by the mushy types. A hardcore gamer would rather prefer a well perforated and bullet ridden alien rather then a beautiful red rose. And lets face it: Who needs women except for when you need a quick sandwich between your COD4 MP breaks?
Warning! The following review holds heavy spoilers for Halo 3 and the series’ storyline in general. If you haven’t played the game yet and care a bit about its narrative, I highly recommend you NOT read the below text. Otherwise, you are most welcome to click the link below and crawl into my parlor.
Ahoy thar me harties!
Aye, before you start readin’ this post, I’d recommend headin’ o’er t’ har and read up a bit on the most important day (okay, it isn’t but my mind likes t’ imagine it is) o’ the entire year: International ‘Speak like a pirate’ day, shiver me timbers! (not t’ be confused with the International ‘Speak Like the Goddamn Batman’ day or the far more local ‘Walk like I’’e been kicked in the balls by M$’ day which Enoon has been celebratin’ for the past few weeks). Due t’ the utter awesomeness o’ Pirates, I was goin’ t’ ask for a guest speaker t’ come in today, but it seems the Pirate-ninja feud sort o’ intensifies at this time o’ the year meanin’ their all out busy kickin’ ninja ass. So fer now its all me! YARRR!
*coughs as he’s kicked in the nads by several TAP members*
Okay, okay, fine! Onto more serious matters then. I’ve been rather quiet recently for several reasons. I finally got an Xbox 360 and my recent time has been divided between working, studying, writing and playing GoW, WiC, SoTS, PGR3 and a few other games.
So you’ve grappled with the installation problems in Halo 2 Vista and got your ass handed over to you in the Halo 3 beta, and you start to wonder how much more Halo you can get in your life. Well, if you are anything like us (by which I mean me), then you start pulling a Lester Burnham and see Halo-related stuff fall slowly from the sky, as the American Beauty theme tinkles away in the sad recesses of your brain.
First off, if you have the dough and fancy yourself a true Halo-geek, you can ditch that iPod you’re all carrying for the Halo 3 Special Edition Zune. It’s the regular Zune, with the all-you-can-eat music store, the wonderfully envisioned yet woefully executed music sharing options, 3″ of sexy screen-space and oh yeah, did I mention the complete Halo and Halo 2 OSTs, trailers of Halo 2 and Halo 3, “Making of” documentary videos, the first 6 episodes of Red vs. Blue Season 1, tons of Halo-related images and a special, Halo: Zune edition of Red vs. Blue! All this, in a sleek Halo-themed shell, can be yours for a measly $249! Get yours today!
More on the Special Edition Halo Zune
And if that didn’t fix you, there’s even more information straight from Bungie and IGN on the upcoming Halo: Uprising, a four-part mini-series by Marvel and Halo: Contact Harvest, the next Halo novel, which is being penned by Bungie man/Grunt voice Joseph Staten and will chronicle hard-ass UNSC Sergeant Avery J.Johnson’s first contact with the Covenant forces.
So we’re probably not gonna be seeing that Halo movie anytime soon. Thankfully, Monty Oum (Check out his DeviantArt page) did the next best thing – he made his own. As impressive and outrageous it is to watch, it’s not exactly a full-fledged production; beggars can’t be choosers! At least we get to see everyone’s favorite mechanized Spartan square off against Nintendo’s very own intergalactic bounty hunter, Samus Arun of Metroid fame. Mega-props to Monty and the wonders of 3D Animation Software, certainly beats watching those Character Battle Polls from Gamefaqs. Go watch!