Every so often, I entertain the thought of giving a licensed game a crazy whirl, preferably based on some popularly, hyped motion picture. The most common perception being that a game specifically made to use a movie brand as a backdrop will most likely reek of fungus bread drenched in spoiled-egg stew, and that the accompanying vice-versa (movie based on a game franchise) will also hold true. Which is what’s so weird about Speed Racer for the Nintendo DS; despite being tailored in mind for people interested in the current-running, heavily-stylized reinterpretation of the Japanese-animated show from the late 60s, the DS version doesn’t borrow many assets from it – especially when compared to its console-counterparts. There’s virtually no story-line to speak of, and signature facets such as the Mach 5’s many whacky gadgets are nowhere to be found (Well, except for the one that makes the car jump – but every car in this game has that!). Even more bewildering, is that it’s a capable, if somewhat derivative, arcade-racer to boot.

More after the jump.

(more…)

Relationships are mystifying. Once upon a time in the far off land of Queens, NY – a lovely lady and I were supposed to meet at a local arcade parlor for some hardcore Time Crisis 3 co-op. Sadly instead, she stood me up with not so much a call, email or telegram! Women. Go figure.

But it’s a damn shame whenever a significant other stops being your significant other, and ensues to be in possession of certain items that clearly aren’t meant to be in their possession anymore. Such a woe has befallen on one particular IGN board member named TELPEURION, and his intentions are pretty clear: to get his ex girlfriend to give back his Nintendo DS Lite, several games, and a bicycle. Although I never look at the specifics, it’s kinda expected you’d want to pressure former associates, and what better way is there when you can take their tooshie down to court. TELPEURION plans to do just that, and we can’t really blame him. After all, stranger things have happened.

So from our side to him, we wish him the best of luck and hope to hear further updates on the situation.

I played Ninja Gaiden a few years back (not the NES version). I still play it. A lot!

It’s quite simple to understand why someone could be addicted to a game like that. Great graphics, excellent sound, stylistic action and ninja combat, fluid controls and an extremely deep combat system all scream at you to keep playing. Add to that various mutators, such as the Master Ninja Tournaments and you’ve got your killer-app. Ninja Gaiden for the Xbox had it all. At the risk of losing gamer-credibility, I’d go as far as saying that Halo was the overrated game on the Xbox - Ninja Gaiden truly showed the world what the box was capable of and how a game should be made. Ninja Gaiden Black came along and added new enemies, a few twists and the legendary Master Ninja tournaments.

But then news came along that Ninja Gaiden was being developed for the Nintendo DS and I went “Oh fuck! Here goes the coolest looking game back to shitty graphics and kiddy gameplay”.

Oh how wrong I was.

(more…)

As if Singstar Bollywood and Dance Mela didn’t have our heads already scratching, this queer little number takes it to the next step. Famitsu posted screens of a Mathematics Learning game being developed for the DS, exclusively made for Japan. Why, you ask? Because everyone knows how Indians like to get their algebra on. They like to get it on hard.

Since my understanding of the Japanese language (let alone how to read it) is heavily limited to words like goa, uugu and - if I’m feeling particularly dangerous - pyo, there’s isn’t much from the page I can make out that Google can’t translate for you and make ten times funnier (Update: Tokkan was nice enough to directly translate for me. Apparently, the game is called Let Loose the Indian Mathematics Drill Boasting Mental Arithmatic. Just, wow). But geez, you’d think the art designers would have a reference on hand of what Indian people actually look like. I have no complaints with the middle-aged, dark-skined fella, but have a gander at those women. That’s like the worst drawn sarees I’ve ever seen on a female body. And is that supposed to be one of those cat-vase hats I keep hearing about? Can you say, “ew”?

Thanks to Gagaman for the laugh!

These last two years have been almost like a plethora of revelations for me. Among those major shocks, there are those I concluded in the following: dogs can sneeze (in all my years, I haven’t seen something this hilarious), frogs reproduce asexually (poor bastards don’t know what they’re missing), girls are a big pain in the neck (and hole in the pocket) and that a guy can actually get bored of kissing. I also realized that if I stuck to my motto of PC GAMING RULEZ, I’d be bankrupt before I could spell M-O-N-E-Y. Consoles and handhelds suddenly started becoming brighter prospects and the term “bang for your buck” has started making absolute sense. For those of you who think this is going to be another of those “PC versus Console” articles, sorry to disappoint you. Instead, I’ll be dealing with the question that has been torturing me the most: Are handheld and portable gaming devices ready to kick their console and PC counterparts out of orbit. And the answer? Let’s find out.

And by the way, if anyone wants to discuss the absolute beauty of a sneezing dog in action, do send me a mail… No shit, I’m serious.

(more…)

Ah, the life of a medical student. Nothing beats spending ten years of your life doing nothing but studying and cramming, performing dissections on human cadavers, being berated and put down by your instructors/colleagues/nurses/patients and having no time in your life for yourself. Trauma Center: Under the Knife is an experiment by Nintendo and famed RPG maker Atlus to simulate the emotional drama and tribulations a doctor goes through, without the potentially life marring character changes accompanying the profession in real life. The result is a slickly produced, innovative piece of entertainment that takes full advantage of the DS’s touch-screen abilities while providing enough challenge, story and enjoyment without the real fear of killing your patient or inhaling too many inebriating disinfectants.

(more…)

UPDATE: Authenticity challenged! It seems the Halo DS game footage posted on Matt Casamassina’s blog shares a lot in common with another First-Person Shooter for the Nintendo DS, by none other than GoldenEye: Rogue Agent. And apparently, it sucked! Cripes, no wonder I’m so gullible.

So what now? Was Matt fibbing or did Electronic Arts approach Microsoft and Bungie for the idea of doing a Halo project? Or vice versa? Massive conspiracy-driven drama queens: the gauntlet has once again been laid down! And girl - you know someone’s gonna get cut.