I just hate contests! Yes, I know we’re running a whopper of one right now on this very site, but it completely sucks when you can’t really win anything for yourself. And if you thought my luck held out when it came to other contests, boy are you mistaken. In any case, the guys over at Tech2, in association with Milestone Interactive, have managed to snag a 40 GB PlayStation 3 and a copy of Uncharted: Drake’s Fortune to give away to one lucky…. fellow. (See how I didn’t use extreme profanity there? I would also like to take this opportunity to thank my anger management therapist for trying to cure me of my addiction to rageahol.)

All you need to do to win the shiny, sexy black beast with the Spiderman font and the best damn game for the platform is simply head over to the contest page here, read through the three articles that contain the code, crack it and then sit back and relax and pray like hell you win. Hurry, you don’t have a lot of time left. A small tip if you want to win: hire a harem of supermodels and send them to the Tech2 Editor’s house to, erm, fortify your standing in the prize line. But whoever wins, listen up, the second I come to know you’re not a fan or you’re going to eBay it ASAP, you will get hunted down like the dog you are and blown up like a midget in a microwave. Consider yourself warned… Or you could just choose to give me the goodies and die a relatively painless death. Your call.

With Crysis, every day is a cold day in Hell. And what better way to celebrate a Snow Day (or rather, Flash Freeze Day) than by sending North Koreans and distant cousins of the xenomorphs to meet their respective makers? One lucky bastard, however, will get so much more, if Tech2 Gaming have their way with the “Experience Crysis” contest. Specifically, playing it for two days straight South Park style on “the best hardware money can buy”, getting to review it on CNBC / CNN-IBN, and a goodie bag that includes a limited edition copy of the game, a six-foot (Sweet Zombie Jesus!) tall exclusive Crysis poster and an NVIDIA 8800 GTS 320 MB video card.

All you gotta do to try and be The One is to head over to Tech2’s Crysis review, spot the “hidden code” (come on, guys, you can do better than that!), send an email to Tech2 and wait and pray the rest of the competition drops dead so you’ll be picked. Or, if you’re clever (like us), you can just wait outside the Tech2 offices and wait for The One to come out, stick a BB shotgun in his face and make off with the goodie bag while he’s watering the lawn. Maybe even finish him off Condemned: Criminal Origins style for good measure. After that, maybe we’ll all use the Universal Machine Language Time Code and go back in time for some frozen pizza. Yum!