Yeah. ANOTHER Bioshock post, as if there weren’t enough of them already! But this one’s special. At least to me. Because Bioshock friggin’ BROKE my console!

It all starts off with me waiting for the game to come out, telling my retailer to hold on to a copy for me - no matter what, finally getting it and applying the patch!

Yeah, the patch. Now this isn’t a rant about the patch itself, but the utter disgust I’m feeling at the lack of proper testing before a release for a patch to a game that isn’t as impressive as it promised to be. Yeah - I can tell that after playing the 1st 3 levels.

Which brings around another observation. Gears of War used the UE3 engine, and it had problems. Bioshock uses UE3 and it has its own problems. No - not just the annoying bastard corpses that keep twitching like a dead frog’s leg being electrocuted, but I also was subjected to torn textures and clipping when viewing a certain surface at an angle! Hey 2K (wherever you are - Boston or Oz) - the last time I saw something like that was on my Diamond Monster Fusion 16 MB 3D accelerator card!! Whatever happened to “next gen”?

So now I’m pissed off because I pre-ordered Halo 3 : Collectors Edition, I’ll have you know - but now all I can do is just sit and read the manual over and over again till I manage to figure out the ending. That, or I get my replacement console by the 26th of September – which seems highly unlikely!

So if you’re reading this because Bioshock broke your console too, then here’s all I have to say -THE DARKNESS kicks ass! On a more constructive note, if you don’t already know, then here’s what to do in case you downloaded the Bioshock patch on Live. To clear the patch from the system’s cache, hold down both RB+LB (that’s the bumpers - NOT triggers) on the controller right from the second you boot your console till the 2K logo finishes. Bear in mind that you’ll need to do this EACH TIME you play the game.

Time for me to go and curl up in a corner while I sob uncontrollably.

No. It’s not any state or college elections I’m talking about here.

I’m talking about The Darkness by the publishing wizards 2K and the development warlocks at Starbreeze. The Darkness is a game that will make you beg for more. It will eviscerate all you had come to expect from shooters. It will rip to shreds the horrible; “comic-book-hero-meets-video-game-and-dies” legacy that a certain developer has been fucking up EVERY time with my favourite arachnid hero. It will make you believe in a real world. It will make you believe in an alternate world. It will make it worth the investment.

Fancy, no?

(more…)

Well, freaking finally! After almost a month of waiting for the game, Microsoft India has finally started to ship the much awaited Starbreeze Studios blockbuster, The Darkness, over here in our little, big corner of the world. Developed by the same gods that made the unforgettable awesomeness that was, and is, The Chronicles of Riddick: Escape from Butcher Bay, The Darkness (in case you have been living under a rock) tells the story of young Jackie Estacado, a mob underling, who wakes up on the wrong side of bed on his 21st birthday and ends up sprouting vicious, supernatural snake appendages from his shoulders. Under the power of the consuming Darkness, Jackie embarks on a massive killing spree, killing himself, mafia whackmeisters, Hell’s minions and himself some more in an attempt to seek retribution.

Oh yeah, Microsoft also happened to release Vampire Rain along with The Darkness, but then, who gives a flying fuck about Vampire Rain? Now be a nice kid and run to the nearest Xbox 360 store to get your copy for a sweet, sweet 1895 bucks or if you are terribly lazy, like we are, and prefer your copies door-delivered in the next day or two, head on over to the official Microsoft Store at eBay India to order your copy online. Did we mention that they ship for free? Oh yeah, we sure did… sweet interweb goodness.

PS: If you are, perchance, looking for a PS3 version, sorry pal, tough luck! It ain’t available here yet, and most probably won’t be for a long time now.